The Harpy

It started with Richard Nixon.

When he publicly launched the war on marijuana 40 years ago, the decision was not grounded in facts or reason. Actually, it was just the opposite.

The president handpicked a national commission in 1971, and tasked it with taking a hard look at the substance. Chaired by Raymond Shafer, the Republican governor of Pennsylvania, it was no left-leaning group. They approached the subject objectively and produced a comprehensive report. Their conclusion? The harms of marijuana are quite limited, and the use of marijuana by adults should not be considered a criminal offense.

Nixon promptly ignored their findings and moved forward with his plan to make marijuana Public Enemy No. 1. Since that time, marijuana prohibition has become an industry, and the actors whose jobs are dependent on that industry are fighting tooth and nail to keep it going.

So pot is virtually harmless AND it's Public Enemy #1. Yeah, that makes tons of sense.

BUT! OMG! Think of the children:

"Moreover, there is now evidence that regulating marijuana might be better for teens in Colorado. Since our state established a tightly regulated legal medical marijuana market in 2009, marijuana use among high school students has dropped 11 percent in the state, according to surveys conducted by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Nationwide, where marijuana is entirely unregulated, it increased 11 percent."

We have a streak of Puritanism in this country that’s never gone away. I’m sure you are surprised I would say that in view of the most recent Time Magazine cover, the one with the woman with her blouse pulled down and the kid, um, nursing. Therefore you may wonder what I mean when I say “Puritanism.”

Surely you've seen pictures of Lady Gaga in her dress made out of raw meat. Puritanism made us care about it. There were two things Ms. Gaga knew about that dress. (1) it was bad and (2) there wasn't enough of it.

The dress didn't leave much to the imagination. Not enough meat covered not enough meat.

As a side note (or maybe this leads to my next point): To keep that couture from rotting, it would have to be refrigerated, which means it would have been friggin cold. Or they warmed it before she put it on which means it smelled like dead meat. Either way I have a feeling it didn't hang on her body much longer than the photo op.

The meat dress was supposed to offend two different kinds of puritans. The first is obvious. The sex puritans. There are still a few of them out there who hyperventilate in horror at a young girl who shows too much skin.

The other kind of puritan would be the meat-is-murder folks.

Only people of questionable moral character eat meat. It is much more virtuous to be vegetarian.

No, wait! Vegetarianism is immoral! You must be vegan!

No! Licentious libertine! You must be vegan and organic!

No, you rapacious and wasteful, monster, you must be vegan, organic and local!

And, of course you are a lazy slob if you aren't vegan, organic, local and grow your own…out of non-GMO seeds. Saved from corn eaten by the original Native Americans who lived on this sacred land before you.

I’m 1/32 Cherokee. I just thought it needed to be said.

I know this will shock you, but I have a friend who smokes. She’s very good about it and always goes outside.

She works in a government building and at one time they had a specially ventilated (according to federal regulations) break room where people could smoke without subjecting coworkers to the filthy habit.

Then they passed a law/regulation/rule that there could be no smoking anywhere in the building. So my friend was forced into the outside designated smoking areas and, when those were banned, into the parking lot. But eventually the neo-puritans noticed that some molecule of immoral smoke might brush against a passer-by and therefore all smoking as been completely banned on government property (as of July 2012).

My friend works in a government building, so naturally it’s in a bad part of town. Therefore she will be forced to smoke across the street with the drug dealers and the hos. Compared with the standard group of neo-puritans, this may be a step up.

Puritanism was ugly when they were hanging witches and it has not become more attractive as we turn our attention to other vices like tobacco, tofu made from non-GMO soy beans and drugs that make you giggle.

More on immoral, unauthorized giggling next week.

Harmless, but Public Enemy #1!

Neo-Puritanism vs. The Meat Dress