Have You Heard the Joke about Legalizing Pot?

Yes, I laughed myself sick over it.

Classifying pot in the same category as heroine would be a lot funnier if the cost in human misery weren’t so high. Straining to justify that classification with lies and exaggeration would be hilarious if a million people a year – every year – didn’t have their lives ended or destroyed by over-zealous enforcement of bad laws.

The National Institute on Drug Abuse goes to great lengths to explain all the horrible things that marijuana does to your lungs. That’s a big joke, of course. Inhaling any smoke is very bad for you. It has zero, nothing, nada to do with pot as a drug. The DEA does the same thing.

The DEA “fact” sheet is unintentionally funny in several places. Under the question “Q. Does marijuana harm anyone besides the individual who smokes it?” they go into great detail about driving under the influence. Huh? What has that got to do with marijuana? Driving under the influence of ANY drug is already illegal and should remain so. You don’t get to use alcohol or drugs to weaponize a car. The worst stoner in the world doesn’t think that’s a good idea. Since the public harm section of the fact sheet is shockingly thin, in the last paragraph they add that 40% of males arrested for crimes test positive for marijuana … which means they got high sometime in the last six weeks.  They don’t even bother to try to demonstrate a connection between crime and marijuana.

Just laugh and move on.

The truth is that you could go down to Walmart and fill your shopping cart with drugs that cause more harm, have more side effects than Marijuana.Tylenol causes cancer. A lethal dose of aspirin is 150 mg per kg of body mass. Benedryl, Sominex and Alka-Seltzer Plus Allergy all contain diphenhydramine which has the same withdrawal symptoms as “withdrawal” from marijuana – irritability, sleeplessness, anxiety, etc. The side effects of Benedryl include drowsiness, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, headache and muscle weakness. Benedryl is “addictive” in the same way marijuana is (you get used to using it and don’t like to stop) and has some of the same effects. It’s fairly benign but it will cause cardiac arrest in large doses of around 1000 mg. Yet you can legally fill the trunk of your car with it.

Marijuana has no lethal dose. Why is it illegal? What, specifically is it about marijuana that makes it so frightening?

Is it the laughter?

A lot of lies have gotten told about Marijuana, especially since the 1970s when Nixon made it federally illegal. Why didn’t Nixon & Co. lie about aspirin or Benedryl? Perhaps it’s because they are produced by powerful and wealthy drug manufacturers who can make hefty campaign contributions.

Perhaps not.

I think the major reason is because pot makes you giggle. I know that sounds vapid, but I think that’s it. Prudery. Puritanism. Unauthorized giggling is self-indulgent. It’s “vice.” Vice is bad.  The Seven Deadly Sins are all about enjoying things you shouldn’t be enjoying.

In the Netherlands, for the last 20 years, you can legally buy marijuana and hashish in government regulated coffee shops. They have seen no increased use, no sudden spike in DUIs, no hordes of giggling zombies marching down the street. Marijuana is used in the Netherlands at about the same rate it is used in the US where you can go to prison for the rest of your life if you are caught with a few flakes of pot in your pocket.

Tell me again why we cling to these vicious and cruel anti-drug laws? I keep waiting for a punch line.